What I’ve Learned About Myself


I can’t believe it’s July. Halfway through 2013, and it’s a blur because of how fast pace everything has been.

So much has been on my mind, that I couldn’t decide which direction to take this post. First it was a recap of what’s been going on since the last time I blogged (May), then I was thinking of going inspirational, then I started reflecting on what I’ve learned.

I can honestly say I’ve learned more about myself in 2013 than I have in my whole life. Both good and bad, but I can’t fit it all in one post. So for now, here are five random ones:

I am a hermit. I love being at home working on something or curled up watching NetFlix. 4th of July was a few days ago and there were many things I had planned to attend, but I celebrated by staying in, working on stuff, then grocery shopping at Target (yes, I’m weird and grocery shop there) and watched NetFlix. I don’t know why, but I don’t like going out unless I have to. I’m super particular and selfish with my time, and something beneficial needs to come out of anything I choose to spend it on. Whatever you see me doing, it’s going to be me with family or the very few people I’m close to that bring me happiness, building the HotNewHipHop brand or my personal brand. I really am the most anti-social, social person you’ll ever meet, and that’s something I need to work on. I think?

I worry too much about the future. I’ve always been the “planner” type, and hated when things didn’t go my way. Yeah, unfortunately I am the control type. Anyway, thanks to church and the close people I keep around me, I’ve learned to try and not be that way anymore. Let things happen when they happen. It’s not a easy habit to break, but I’m getting better. What’s for you won’t pass you by. Remember that.

I get nervous in front of a camera if it’s for a photoshoot, but could be in front of a camera all day if it’s a video. I just did a photoshoot with a studio for fun last month. They had been wanting to do a test shoot with me since March, but I was avoiding it because I’m terrible at “modeling” if you want to call it that. I had over 300 pictures to choose from, and only liked four. Fail. I can’t NOT smile in a picture, so most of my pictures come out looking like senior portaits or something. Why? Because I feel like if I don’t smile, I look like I want to stab someone. Hopefully I can figure my way out of that one soon!

Changing up my style. Back when I lived in Chicago, I never changed up anything with my style. Every time I did an interview, I always wanted to be dressed up, in heels, all that. Now, I like the casual look. I got a little J collection going on, and I’ve been wearing a lot of chucks lately. I’m trying to be a variety – One day I’m in sweats, the next day I’m in a dress and heels, the day after that I’m in j’s and a snapback. The next purchase I will be making is a Sox jersey and some Timbs. I don’t even like baseball like that. I actually hate it. But, I like the jerseys. One of my friends suggested the Timbs and thinks I can pull it off. I think they’re going to weigh my feet down, but I’m going to try something different 🙂 Next thing in regards to style – my hair. I have a lion’s mane on my head, and was going to cut it last week because I get irritated everytime I need to brush and fix it up (I’m serious). But, instead, I am going to just teach myself new styles.

My inner circle. Ugh, this is definitely a subject I’m going to do a separate post on. But basically, I’ve realized who my real friends are – and I can count them on my two hands. Some have been around since 5th grade, some for as little as just during my time in LA. I’m not going to get into this subject because I’ll blab forever, but I’ve been getting irritated by people who have been treating me as if they just met me and can’t talk to me normally as they did in the past. There’s no reason for that. But, like I said, I’ll get into that in another post.

Anyway, there are so many other things I’ve learned about myself – but that’s enough for tonight.

Until next time my friends…

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