Jan 19, 2014
“Real you” is who you are behind closed doors. It’s who you are in front of people you trust; your family and closest friends. “Ideal you” is what you think people will accept.
I’ve realized there are four “real me” versions of myself – From who I am in front of my family and friends, who I am at work, who I am to acquaintances and who I am on social media and the internet – I only want there to be one.
Family and friends go hand-in-hand. They see the good and bad sides of me from my messy habits to knowing my secrets. They understand my drive and determination more than anyone. They know I never like dressing up, how picky of an eater I am, and see me throw fits over some petty shit.
My co-workers know that even though I’m glued to a laptop or phone 24/7, I’m always working on something and will get stuff done – while my acquaintances might think I’m the type that blows people off because I never want to chill, when really I just like keeping to myself.
And then, there’s the people who follow me on social media and the internet – well, they’re starting to get to know me more. I used to fear expressing my true thoughts because I felt I needed to be a certain way. When I started my blog, they were inspirational posts, and people looked to me for advice, leaving me to believe I had to be squeaky clean. Now, I’m known for being inspirational, but also being REAL, which has been working out much, much better.
Each group I mentioned know a few of my confessions listed below – but not one of those groups knows all 5. That being said, here are my 5 confessions:
I like drinking. I hate clubs and bars – I hate how crowded it is, I hate how thirsty guys think it’s okay to grab you, I hate when people spill their drinks on me, and I hate that you can’t have a conversation because it’s too damn loud. I only go if it’s a special occasion, but even then, I’m still on my phone tweeting, answering emails and stay in the same corner. Let’s be clear – my rant was about how I hate the club and bars – I never said I hate drinking. Now, I’m not some raging alcoholic and drink maybe once or twice a month in low-key environments. I like drinking at home or after a dinner (after I finish my meal because I can’t drink and eat at the same time). I like ciroc and lemonade, margaritas and wine.
I swear, a lot. My best friends used to call me out when I wouldn’t swear on my social media, because they knew exactly when I wanted to swear, and which word I would use. My excuse? I didn’t want people to think I was a bad person. Now, I swear my ass off, and I’m still a genuine person.
I remember when someone asked me to not swear when I was flicking off the camera wearing a giant Ninja Turtle head because “I’m inspirational.” Someone else asked how I could claim myself as a Christian. Do you think Oprah or the President or whoever you look up to doesn’t swear? No. And the reason they can’t in public is because of the image they’ve built for themselves and the positions they’re in. As for my Christianity, I’ve been this way for a long time – Do you think God would have blessed me this much if it was the worst thing in the world? No. I am in no way justifying or encouraging it – but I’m not Oprah. I’m not the President. I’m just getting started and my own person, so I’m going to swear when I feel it’s appropriate. I don’t swear when I’m talking about God, something inspirational, or something serious. But yes, I’m going to to swear if I’m angry or something hilarious happened, so get the fuck over it.
I’m afraid of love, but want a relationship. I always told people I don’t want a relationship because of my career. Yes, that was true, but the circumstances have changed. The growth and knowledge I’ve gained over the years have brought me to a place where I am ready and want a relationship… with someone who understands and accepts who I am, and the world I live in. But – at the same time I’m afraid of that shit because of my past experiences, and looking at the relationships of others. Does that mean I’m going to latch onto the first guy that comes along? No. One, that would be settling. Two, I have standards. Three, the timing needs to be right…on both ends.
I really hate when people try to be my friend. Let me rephrase. I really hate when people who didn’t give me the time of day in high school or college, act like we’re best friends. I promise, I don’t have short term memory and no, I don’t think you want to be my friend for the right reasons. I’m not trying to be cocky, but let’s be real – Some of you fuckers are only hitting me up because you saw me in a picture with one of your favorite artists. You wouldn’t be asking me to hang out otherwise. As for my real friends, the ones who were there before all this shit, I love you.
I don’t want to be an artist manager. I feel like an asshole when people ask me to manage them or listen to their music. Look. You don’t want me to be your manager because I would never make you a priority. Not to be selfish, but with the amount of goals I have and what I still need to fulfill in my life, you would never have a music career if I was your manager.
I could have went on and on – But bottom line is, I’m tired of trying to be the perfect person to everyone because it’s a headache. I’m not perfect. I have strengths. I have weaknesses. I am me.
I may have been a different version of the “real me” to certain people, but it was still me. Being true to myself – saying what I want to say, feeling how I want to feel, doing what I want to do, has made me the happiest I’ve ever been – and now, I’m about be even happier because I’m going to be the “real me” with everyone.
One of my friends asked if I was afraid I’d lose fans for putting this out there. My answer? No. The purpose of this post was to give you, the reader, something to relate to. I want to give you a different perspective about life and inspire – And that could only happen if I was real. I’m tired of the fake shit and people not being who they are. I promise, you’ll be much happier if you’re who YOU want to be – Not who others want you to be.
So, which one have you been? The “Real You” or the “Ideal You?” And who are you going to be moving forward?