Oct 03, 2015
These last few days, I’ve been thinking really hard about what to write next. There were just so many things on my mind, I didn’t know where to start – and then a tweet I got as I was about to start writing decided that for me.
@jen_deleon I just really hope you write because it feels like you are talking directly to me, and that’s what you do is speak to me.
— , (@SeeImhollywood) October 4, 2015
That tweet felt both like a punch and inspiration at the same time. I know he didn’t mean it that way because he’s always been a supporter – but it felt like a punch because when he said “I just really hope you write” I took that as he noticed I haven’t done so in awhile. It felt like an inspiration obviously because I speak to him. Then it got me thinking…. how many other people are out there that feel the same way? The people who have been waiting for me to write or speak on something meaningful to give them some inspiration, or feel like I really speak to them… and I don’t know it? Well, I know it’s not millions, but I know they’re out there – so, it was decided that I need to write a letter to all of the people who supported me.
Dear anyone who has ever supported me,
Whether you fall in the category of those people who were sharing my fan page when I first started my blog in 2009 to spread the word, those who follow me on any of my social media platforms, those who have sent me novels of emails asking for advice and expressed their appreciation for my work, those who have told me how much I inspire them, those who supported and purchased my notebooks, those who have came up to me and asked to take a picture, those who are constantly telling me how much they love my blog and YouTube videos, leave uplifting comments daily and continue to check for them even when there are no updates – I’m sorry.
Yes, you read that correctly, I’m sorry. You were probably expecting me to say thank you, right? Don’t get me wrong, words cannot express how truly grateful I am for you, but I’m more sorry than I am grateful and this is why:
I’m sorry for not keeping up with my content as I continually promised to do so. I’m sorry that in 2015 I only uploaded 21 videos and 13 blog posts knowing how many times I said they would be updated weekly. I’m sorry that of the blog posts, only 3 of them were meaningful and I put actual time into it, 6 were written by Jocelyn and the other 4 don’t count because they were just recaps of events with photos. In other words, they were half assed and I used it as an excuse to count it as an update because I didn’t have the motivation to write. I’m sorry for taking my support for granted. I only had 800 subscribers on YouTube in January, now here I am in October with over 2000. I’m still ranked on Alexa as one of the top 6 million blogs in the world and sitting here asking myself how that’s even possible when I treated them like they were nothing. I’m sorry I didn’t give it my all. In fact, I’m sorry that I didn’t even give it my half. I’m sorry that it took me literally 6 years to get slapped in the face and realize I need to take this serious. I’m sorry that I forgot why I started all of this. I’m sorry for letting my stress from work and my personal life get to me. I’m sorry for holding back from ideas because I didn’t think they’d be good enough. I’m sorry for not opening up entirely knowing that it could help someone going through the same thing. I’m sorry for getting caught up in the views and numbers and letting myself get discouraged when something didn’t do as well as I thought it would. I’m sorry for forgetting that I’ve always been about as long as I helped one person, that’s all that mattered. I’m sorry for not realizing that people are still really depending on me. I’m sorry for losing sight of my life purpose, and failing to remember that at the end of the day, all the work I do, the content I put out, isn’t about me, and it never was – it’s about the people who can learn and be inspired by me. It’s about the people I can give hope to. I’m sorry to anyone who was counting on me and I left them with disappointment. I’m sorry to anyone who asked me to write or speak on a certain topic, and I didn’t stick to my word. I’m sorry if I lost a fan. I’m sorry and I hope that you can forgive me for all of this. I’m sorry and I promise that whenever you check for new content and new inspiration, there will be something there. I’m sorry and I promise not to slack. I’m sorry, and thank you for continuing to support and believe in me even when I didn’t deserve it. I’m sorry and I promise to never let it happen again.