My Personal Slave


vacuum spiders
How I kill spiders…

Yesterday on my Ask.FM account, someone said “You are amazing! I’d so be your personal slave.” I’m assuming he (I’m assuming it was a he) meant this in a sexual way, but we’re going to not go that route, and I’m going to tell you what I’d expect of a personal slave if that were to happen.

Before I go into detail, I don’t like when people do things for me – It makes me uncomfortable, and I like knowing things get done so I do them on my own. But if I had to, here are 15 things I’d pass along.

Can’t be afraid of spiders – Umm.. fuck spiders. I refuse to kill any of them because they’re scary. The last time I had to try and kill a spider was by spraying it with lysol, and trying to vacuum it without looking or getting too close because I thought it was alive. (Picture is on the left).

Answering my text messages – I’m so terrible at answering my text, I’d need someone to reply for me. This doesn’t apply to emails, I answer emails faster than I answer text.

“Scandal” alerts – As mentioned in a previous post, “Scandal” is my favorite show, but since I don’t have cable, I would need an instant alert of when it’s available on ABC. They’re not consistent with what time it posts, so if you could take care of that for me, that would be awesome!

Laundry – I hate doing laundry. And it’s always heavy to carry because I’m weak as shit. Don’t shrink my clothes though, or you’ll be fired.

Nails – Do my nails. I’m terrible at painting them – and I chip them within 24 hours.

Be a GREAT cook – I don’t know how to cook, so if you can throw down in the kitchen, you’d be my favorite person ever.

[RELATED: Foods That Make Me Shit]

Know my fast food orders – Like I said, don’t know how to cook, and I love fast food. Here are the only things I order – choose wisely.

Portillo’s – Chicken caesar salad, large fry, small coke and EXTRA caeser dressing to dip my fries.

McDonalds – McChicken, Hamburger or Filet-O-Fish only! Mickey D’s coke is amazing. So coke every time.

Wendy’s – Jr Bacon Cheeseburger, Nuggets (Regular) with sweet and sour sauce or a Spicy Chicken Meal. Dr. Pepper is my drink of choice here.

Burger King – Chicken sandwich meal or Jr. Whopper meal – Drink is frozen coke. Oh, a minibon too.

Culver’s – This is a Chicago thing. I think? Kids Scoopie Meal – Butterburger with ONLY ketchup. Ask for the Frank’s red hot sauce so I can mix that with my ketchup. Drink: Pepsi.

Taco Bell – Only get one order at Taco Bell. Grilled steak taco, cheesy fiesta fries, a carmel empanada and a Mountain Dew.

Panda Express Kids meal with orange chicken and white rice. Extra fortune cookie, Pepsi for the drink.

In-N-Out – This spot is overrated, but whatever. If worst comes to worst, I get just the single hamburger with well done fries and extra spread. Coke for the drink.

Sidenote for all of these – Don’t even THINK about touching my fries. That’s the one food I absolutely cannot share with anyone.

Fill my gas tank – I hate filling the gas in my car. It’s cold, and I hate waiting around.

Order my contacts – For whatever reason, I always forget to order my contacts and end up wearing the same pair longer than I’m supposed to. I’m blind, so please don’t forget to order them.

Clean my room – I mess that up so fast, I feel like it never stays clean.

Inspirational Quotes – I post quotes often. If you could start writing me a list of some really great ones, I’d love you forever.

[RELATED: My Favorite Inspirational Quotes]

Must Love Target – I go to Target about 3-4 times a week (sadly I’m not exaggerating). I buy the same things every time I go, so I’d provide you with that list.

Know My Style – I’m plain and simple. I wear mostly neutral colors, and a majority of my clothes are from H&M. I’m a size XS/S and 2 or 4 depending on the fit. I’m trying to not be so plain and wear jewelry more, so if you know how to accessorize, that would be extra brownie points.

Rip Music Videos from YouTube – I download most of my music off YouTube. Most of the music I like comes from Top 40. Just download Shazam on your phone because we could be walking around somewhere and I’ll hear a song I must have on my phone by the end of day.

Find me good reads – I read at least one article per day. They either are tips for career, or lifestyle pieces. The best way to do this is again, to keep a list as what you would do for my inspirational quotes.

Well, that’s all I have for now. So…. who wants to apply and be my personal slave?

[RELATED: 10 Things That Make Me Unattractive]

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